you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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