you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
