Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
