What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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