She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
