I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
