So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
