I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
