i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
