ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
