I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
