I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
