Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize