I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
