So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
