He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
