I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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