At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
