Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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