he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
