wrigley field is MILF paradise
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
