She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
