Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
