New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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