SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
bring money and cleavage
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
