I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
