So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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