JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
COCAINE IS GR8
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