can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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