I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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