Welp...herpes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
