remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
