Someone shit on the floor
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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