This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
