Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
