why didn't you poke me back
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
