i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
