it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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