If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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