I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
