i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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