you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
