I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
