this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
