he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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