I must be too annoying 4 u.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
