i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
