i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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