Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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