she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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