If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
