He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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