listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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