picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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