Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
