I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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