If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
