textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
