holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
