She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
