How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize