babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
