I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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