Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
