Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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