i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
