My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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