I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
