Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize