On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
