About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
