it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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