i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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